There is a strange pressure that comes with being young in Nigeria.
You are expected to have a plan, make money, support your family, look good, stay productive, build a career, maintain relationships, be available to everyone and somehow still have your life figured out.
And when you don't?
You feel the need to explain yourself.
"Sorry, I'm not there yet."
"Sorry, I can't afford it."
"Sorry, I need some time."
"Sorry, I'm choosing myself."
But maybe some things don't require an apology. Being young doesn't mean you have everything figured out. And choosing a different path doesn't mean you're failing.
Here are five things young Nigerians should stop apologising for.
1. Not Having Your Life Figured Out Yet
At 22, you're supposed to know what career you want.
At 25, you're supposed to be financially stable.
At 27, you're supposed to be married.
At 30, you're apparently supposed to have a house, a thriving business, a great career and enough money to become the family ATM.
Who created this timeline?
Life doesn't happen according to a WhatsApp group announcement. Some people discover their passion at 19. Others discover it at 30. Some change careers. Some start businesses and fail. Some graduate and spend years figuring out what they actually want. And that's okay.
You are allowed to be a work in progress.
Your friend getting a job before you doesn't mean you're late. Someone getting married doesn't mean you're behind. Someone travelling out of Nigeria doesn't mean your own life has stopped.
There is no universal Nigerian timetable for success.
2. Saying "I Can't Afford It"
This one is particularly difficult in a society where appearances sometimes feel like survival.
You don't want your friends to think you're broke.
You don't want to be the only person saying, "I can't make it."
You don't want to attend an event wearing something you've worn before.
So you spend money you don't have trying to maintain an image you can't afford.
But there is absolutely nothing embarrassing about saying: "It's not within my budget right now."
You don't owe anyone a performance of wealth. You can love nice things and still have financial boundaries. You can decline the expensive dinner.
You can wear the same outfit again. You can stay home. You can save your money.
You can say no to the weekend trip. Your bank account doesn't need to impress your friends.
Financial discipline isn't poverty.
3. Choosing Yourself
For many young Nigerians, family is everything. And that's beautiful.
But sometimes, the expectations that come with family can become overwhelming. You are expected to be available, to help everyone, to attend every occasion, to accept every request, to choose the career your parents approve of, to live the life everyone thinks is best for you.
And when you finally say, "I can't," suddenly you're selfish.
But choosing yourself doesn't automatically mean you don't care about other people. You can love your family and still establish boundaries. You can care about your friends and still say no. You can be a good person without being available 24/7.
Sometimes choosing yourself means protecting your peace, your finances, your time or your future.
You don't have to destroy yourself to prove that you care.
4. Taking a Different Path
Maybe you don't want the traditional career, maybe you want to become a filmmaker.
A fashion designer.
A content creator.
A chef.
A photographer.
A musician.
An entrepreneur.
Maybe you studied something completely different and discovered that it isn't what you want anymore.
And yes, someone will probably ask:
"But what will people say?" That's one question young Nigerians need to stop allowing to control their lives.
People will talk when you succeed. People will talk when you fail. People will talk when you change careers. People will talk when you stay.
People will talk.
So perhaps the better question is: "What do I want?" Your life doesn't have to make sense to everyone before it makes sense to you.
5. Resting
This might be the hardest one. We have romanticised being busy.
"I'm hustling."
"No sleep."
"We move."
"Grinding 24/7."
And while ambition is important, constantly exhausting yourself isn't a badge of honour. You are allowed to have a slow day. You are allowed to sleep. You are allowed to take a break from social media. You are allowed to spend an afternoon doing absolutely nothing productive.
You don't have to monetise every hobby. You don't have to turn every talent into a business. You don't have to wake up every morning chasing something.
Sometimes your body and mind simply need you to pause. Rest is not laziness. Sometimes rest is what allows you to continue.
You Don't Have to Apologise for Being Human. Perhaps the biggest thing we need to stop apologising for is not being perfect.
We're young.
We're learning.
We're making mistakes.
We're changing our minds.
We're figuring out money, relationships, careers, family, purpose and adulthood all at the same time.
Some days we'll get it right. Some days we won't. And that's life.
So the next time you find yourself saying "sorry" because you're not where someone thinks you should be, pause for a moment. Ask yourself:
Did I actually do something wrong, or am I simply living differently?
Because there is a difference. You don't need to apologise for growing at your own pace. You don't need to apologise for having boundaries. You don't need to apologise for protecting your finances. You don't need to apologise for choosing a different path.
And you certainly don't need to apologise for becoming the person you're still learning how to be.
This is your journey! Take your time. You are not behind, You are becoming And becoming takes time.
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